the dance between masculinity and femininity

"it's about being masculine and feminine at the same time." - Charlotte Casiraghi

this article is dedicated to girls who wear mini skirts with their dads’ jackets.

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life became so much easier once I realized that my femininity and masculinity don’t need to be on separate sides of the ballroom.

for years, I forbid them from being near each other.

my masculinity stayed on one side, hollering boisterous jokes and clinking glasses with those around, wine spilling over the brim and down his hand,

while my femininity stayed on the other side of the dancefloor, tracing her fingers over the paintings on the wall, gossiping with her friends, and re-powdering her face.

I used to think they weren’t supposed to interact. you could either be feminine or masculine; nurturing or aggressive, you were either excellent at makeup, or you couldn’t wear it at all, and if you stepped a toe out of line from the side of your room, you were messing up the system, confusing others, and you weren’t being consistent with one identity.

the truth is, that masculinity and femininity are meant to dance together,

they’re meant to touch. meant to grab each other’s shoulders, to move off each other’s energy, to breathe face to face, to circulate breaths, and to dance as one.

growing up, i’ve switched from wearing short hair and flannels on my elementary school picture days to waking up at 6 AM to doll myself up before high school - and for years I struggled to find that fine line between the two ways of portraying myself.

I remember watching Tangled for the first time and being attracted to Flynn Rider (because who wasn’t), but also relating to him- seeing his cockiness and sarcasm as a reflection of myself. however, I also found myself being attracted to Rapunzel (because again, who wasn’t), while also relating to her, her bubbliness and optimism resonating with my personality. how was I everything, and everyone all at once? How could I constantly contradict myself, drawn to different parts of who I am, yet still feel connected to everything at the same time?

it took a while to realize that this is normal, and it’s a luxury to be able to be so much at once - to be extravagantly feminine, but exceedingly masculine at times is such a normal, healthy human way of living, and no single body should ever be restricted to only one or the other.

so, allow me to bask myself in my ‘masculinity.’

allow me to fall in love with girls disgustingly and addictively. allow me to handle my temper like a father. let me wear my worn-down leather jacket and do stand-up comedy with jokes that have nothing to do with my gender and have plain, bitten nails and rough play with my brother. let me wear body mists with notes of cedarwood and mansplain why Kendrick Lamar is one of the best artists of all time and make sex jokes, unashamed, and allow me to dap my friends up in the hallways and shout remarks in class without being painted as disruptive. allow me to pop my tongue in my cheek and wear puffer vests with my biceps out and wash my face aggressively, and incorrectly, and wear jorts twice my size and head-bang to The Clash, clumsy, and charming, out for mischief, with an unbuttoned collar and a thumb in my belt loop, leaning into my masculine divine.

but also,

allow me to turn flushed and jittery when a boy interacts with me. allow me to spritz rosewater toner on my face and listen to nancy sinatra while blowing out my hair. let me wear my DIOR Backstage Glow Palette on my eyelids and spend $8 on iced chai lattes and read unrealistic romances. allow me to run to the dancefloor every time Dancing Queen comes on, and allow me to do it barefoot with my heels in one hand. let me wear chunky necklaces, and let me bring a friend with me whenever i use the bathroom. allow me to be cunning, yet sweet and selfless, all collarbones and cleavage - and let me throw my head out of a car window with my hair flying against my face, strands blown against the wind, all in my female brilliance.

the terms “masculinity and femininity” will always be set on a broad horizon. it is still masculine to cry and have a heart of gold, just as it is feminine to be strong-willed and reckless - Flynn Rider is just as vulnerable, as he is confident, and Rapunzel is just as assertive, as she can be compassionate.

“A balance of yin and yang,” she repeated. “I don't have to turn myself into a man to fight or rule. And I don't have to be a docile woman like my ministers expect me to be. I can be gentle and strong as circumstances requires.”
― Livia Blackburne, Feather and Flame

life becomes such an endless field of freedom once you stop ping-pong paddling the aesthetics of “girlhood” and “boyhood”, but rather focus on the euphoria of being human - to cycle through different energies and to embrace how you experience life, not as a boy, or a girl, but as you, as an individual.

i’m proud to be a girl, and i wouldn’t switch that for the world. it’s the fact that i always thought “girl” meant one thing - that thing being prim and pristine and beautiful. i mourned that i couldn’t be as playful and passionate as the boys in Newsies, The Musical, or as nonchalantly sarcastic as Chandler Bing in Friends, when in reality, being a girl doesn’t limit you to these traits, but instead, opens up the glorious different ways you can decidedly present yourself.

to be yourself is a feminine trait, and that’s the only thing that’s always mattered.

i’ve won school talent shows telling stupid jokes in knee-high-heeled boots, and I found out that it’s entirely possible to be as hilarious as Chandler Bing and as fashionable as Rachel Green. i’m writing this article with a single braided strand in my hair, in a T-Shirt that says “WORLD’S GREATEST DAD”. i’ve done yoga to Playboi Carti.

you get the point…

and just as it was important during that Playboi Carti yoga session, balance is what makes life so f★ing fantastic.

so, stop forbidding your masculinity and femininity from meeting each other in the ballroom. open up the dancefloor. cue a slow song. let them shyly wrap their arms around each other, feeling each other up until their steps get more prominent and more powerful,

and watch as masculinity leads with confident strides and a reassuring hand on the shoulder, while femininity sways her hips, basked in elegance and grace.

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watch their embrace deepen and melt into each other until you sit back and realize,

the whole purpose of the ballroom had always been to introduce them to each other.